SITUATIONSHIP: Delulu is NOT the Solulu

Ina da tambayoyi da yawa a shafin nan. Na farko! Just why? 

“BUT I love him! BUT I love her!”

“I THINK he/she loves me back too”

“Zai canza in shaa Allah!”

“We have been very good lately, munyi magana har 1am, kuma I was introduced to his sister.”

“If I just do what he/she wants, everything will be fine.”

“Wow! Na fiya overreacting. I’m just too sensitive. It’s not that bad.” Later calls to apologise. 

Allah Sarki soyyaya. Hausawa sunyi gaskia son maso wani ƙoshin wahala. When I talk about relationships, I personally don’t talk about love, ni dai a soyayya na fi valuing respect. Maganar gaskia you can live with someone who respects but doesn’t necessarily love you but a person who loves you but doesn’t respect you!

Hmm! 

Ba’a magana Don lokacin the love becomes meaningless. Magana da komai anyhow. Kun taba jin an ce ba’a regarding mutum, abin da nake nufi kenan. It has to be both ways. Mun tu na respect is reciprocal. 

Toh masu ce wa “Muna bada benefit of doubt”, tambaya na for how long? 

Ban san degree din da mutane ke kai wa ba a son mutum, amma na san you should love yourself more. If someone loves you, you will know. The way you become top priority, nobody will tell you. 

Change? Maybe yes, Maybe no! Amma will you spend your whole life waiting on maybe. Life’s too short da zamu dinga jiran tsammani. 

Consistency is respect too. If the person has been good to you lately and not every other day, when will they go back to their old habit of ignoring you? And why will you have to go through that again? Is your timeline not important? 

Why is it that when we realise there is an imbalance in the way we like each other, maybe the girl wants a relationship and the guy sees fun dates, what do you do?

Well, I met a girl that said she’s cool with going out on fun dates and having hopeful delusions about him changing his mind fully knowing he wouldn’t. 

“Me yasa baze yi ending relationship din ba idan baya so na? Probably because he has started seeing a future with me.” she said sympathetically.

“Or he’s getting everything he wants at your expense. Ga company, kin iya labari, you’re fun and adventurous, you’re a good cook and he knows you love him.”I reasoned

“Then why can’t I just walk away?” she cried.

“Because you lack the self-respect to walk away.” Was I too harsh? I don’t think so. 

Please, is this half-hearted relationship worth your time and energy? What about the anxiety about the future of the relationship and all other ways it can affect your mental health?

Yan Aji. Nidai nagaji da situationships din nan. What is happening? Kai or ke, kun san you have no plans with someone, you don’t see any future with that person, fisabilillah what are you doing with that person? Sai kuga ma wasu waya safe, rana, dare, harda exchanging I love you kamar za’a chinye juna amma kuma wai they are just friends. Na’am? Kuka ce friends?

Idan aka bukace sanin status din relationship sai a ce ka fi ruwa gudu. “ You’re overthinking it. Let us flow like River Niger and Benue, dole zamu hadu a confluence. I was hurt in my past relationship but I really like having you around. I was the most romantic person amma heart break has toughen up. 

And bkdmdkdmmle…….. and a bunch of other deceptive words to keep you hooked.” Eyya

Ahh! Ladies and Gentlemen! Are you a rehabilitation centre? Ba’a gaji ba? Ba dai na amsan breadcrumbs love, it’s very disrespectful. Accept it served on a silver platter. 

Oya repeat after me.

I will only be attracted to clear and consistent messaging. I have absolutely no desire to try and decode unnecessarily confusing communication or mixed messages for my mental well being sakes.