Because I loved you

It began as a quiet itch, barely noticeable at first, but deep within me—something gnawing at the core of my being. Some would call it my soul, but I knew it went even deeper than that. It was my existence, stirred in ways I couldn’t understand.

When I first met you, you were so ordinary, easy to overlook. I dismissed you, made you feel small, insignificant. How was I supposed to know? How could I have imagined that someone so seemingly ordinary would become the center of my world? It wasn’t until you vanished, disappeared as if you’d never existed—that I realized the truth. It hit me like a storm. You weren’t just someone passing through my life. You were everything.

Losing you wasn’t like losing a limb. It was much worse. It felt as though my very core had been ripped from me, leaving nothing but an empty shell behind. After you left, I wasn’t living—I was just existing. I moved through the days like a ghost, numb, hollow. I didn’t know how much I loved you when we were together. But when you left, you took the air from my lungs, the beat from my heart. You stopped me in my tracks. There were days when I couldn’t breathe, when functioning seemed impossible.

I reached out, sent people to find you, to bring you back. But you said you were done. Just like that. How? How could you leave me if you ever loved me? How could you walk away from everything we had, from everything I was?

Even though you left physically, you never really left me. For months, you lingered. In my dreams, in my thoughts, in every quiet moment, your presence haunted me. You were everywhere, but nowhere. And that kind of absence—it was unbearable, a different kind of torment that ripped at my soul.

I swear, walahi, I love you. I miss you. Even after all these years, the wound of your absence is as fresh as ever. You were not just a part of me—you were me. How do I go on without you? How do I survive when you were the breath in my lungs, the life in my veins?

I know I hurt you. I know I made mistakes. But your leaving shattered me. It destroyed me. I ran to my Creator, searching for healing, crying out in the darkness of endless nights. But even now, my heart is far from whole. It’s broken in ways I’m not sure can ever be mended.

You were my breath. My life. I still breathe you in every day, with every exhale. Yes, we weren’t meant to be in this life, but I know I’ll find you again. Somewhere, in another world, another universe, our souls will meet again. And when you come, my soul will recognize yours. We’ll be together again, in a place where time, fate, and circumstance can’t tear us apart. I yearn for that. I ache for that reunion.

Isn’t it insane? How can another human hold this kind of power over me? How can love have this kind of grip?

ALLAH placed love on this earth as a test, and I swear, I am drowning in it. But do I want you back? No. Not in this life. My love for you has become something more—an obsession, a need for us to merge into one soul, one being. So no… and yes.

Goodbye, my heartbeat. Until we meet again—whether in Jannah, another galaxy, or some distant realm. I’ll wait for you. In ALLAH’s mercy, I trust that one day, we will find each other again, and this time, nothing will tear us apart